A little progress report on me.

Today you know would have been Beck's 51st birthday. It has been a year and few months since she was taken from us. Sometimes in the quiet moments I sit back and wonder how I am doing. You find out a lot about yourself in a situation like this, I can handle more than I thought.

First off we were really good friends. We did just about everything together. She had a caring personality that probably could never be replaced. She brought out the best in me and helped me rediscover the real me. She helped me be comfortable in my own skin, which I still feel now.

I have kept myself busy in the last year, especially after getting back to work. On most days I am so busy that I don't dwell on my situation much. There are times on days off especially this winter that it will hit you between the eyes, and you feel the grief weighing on you. It will only last a day or so, and when I get around other people, it abates I'm fine.

Now for some of the points that I like about being by myself. I like that I can do what I want to do. I can think at work that when I get home from work I am going for a 2 hour bike ride, and when I get home, I go for a 2 hour bike ride. I like being in total control of my finances, When I leave for work with $2 dollars in my checking account, it isn't down to $1 dollar when I get home. If I want steak for dinner, I have steak for dinner! I guess you get the point! With that all said, I would trade my freedom to have it back like it was.

I have come to the conclusion that I don't want spend the next 20 or 30 years alone living in the Becky Lynn Long museum! I have been dating a little lately. I'm kind of picky in my old age, as I am not going to just settle for somebody. I'm not good with the exit plan.(I was dating someone that I knew it wasn't going to go any farther than that, she finally caught on, just not one of my smoothest moves)I want someone who has there life together and doesn't need me to fix it. I am talking right now with a woman who is a nurse who loves to ride the bike and lives right next to the bike trail I ride on. It sounds like a good start!

Beck can never be replaced and it is unfair to compare anyone with her. If I do that I will be living by myself for a long time! I wrote this to let you all know that I am doing alright. I'm still moving forward!